


Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

by ThunderDownOnGreenside



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - War, Character Death, Character Study, Doves, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Military Working Dogs, Murder, Physical Disability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Team Dynamics, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, Vietnam War references, hawks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 05:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1416514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderDownOnGreenside/pseuds/ThunderDownOnGreenside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wears his tags home, numbed and shell-shocked, a strange mix of two men now, the one he was when he began, and the one he met somewhere along the way. It's over. It's all over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

_"What do you want?"_

 

He's always secretly exhausted, always struggling, always pushing too hard and falling too far, collapsing and crawling and downright _dragging_ himself through the dirt of his pains and insecurities as he does with the real mud, the real dirt. He hangs on by the skin of his teeth at the edge of it all, always one aftershock away from losing grip and falling again, taking that six to sixty feet drop without so much as a scream - but he hangs on yet, kicking and pulling with a fire in his eyes and a harshness on his tongue and never once calling for help. Rin Matsuoka is _that guy_ , the one that none of them asked to be with, and yet here he is, sitting heavily off to the side of the fire and staring broodingly into the surrounding gloom.

 

In contrast, _he's_ always alight with the future, always straightforward and capable and well-prepared to handle anything that gets thrown at them. He takes charge at the front, stands guard in the back, keeps the morale up and the bullshit down and everything working the way it's supposed to. It's his job as a captain to keep up with his squad; it's his choice as a human to befriend them. Seijuurou Mikoshiba is the other kind of guy, the one that everyone wants to know and have on their side, the strong kind, the kind leading the evening songs in his low voice or waking them up in the morning by throwing balled-up socks at them.

 

He's also the kind of guy who is more observant than most give him credit for, Rin included. _(It's not his fault that his stupid captain is ridiculously fucking attractive.)_ After seeing the way that the group splits itself into little sections, he's decided that he'd rather not partake in the kind of union that will end up hurting him when everything goes to shit. And in this kind of place, everything is heavily bound to go to shit. It's almost a rule.

 

So let them love, let the kids make friends, let the captain be heroic and handsome and far too true of heart for his own good. It won't kill Rin. He won't let it.

 

But then Seijuurou approaches him that one night and everything changes.

 

__________________________________________________________

 

"You ever think about what this all means?"

 

"...the fuck. Are you high again?"

 

"Hell no, that was one time! Give it a rest, how was I supposed to know that the damn thing was loaded like that?"

 

"You got it out of Yusokabe's bag. The man is a hardcore flower child and you know it."

 

"Honest mistake."

 

"...tch. Whatever."

 

"But seriously though! Ever considered that?"

 

"Of course I have. I'm the guy with piss in his cornflakes, remember? The guy with nothing left to lose, the guy who snaps at everyone because they don't fucking get it. This isn't about being noble or heroic and fighting for the greater good. This is about control and the fucking draft order."

 

"Don't tell Tachibana that."

 

"Oh, fuck you! Why the hell are you even asking about this? You're the _captain._ Isn't it supposed to be shoot first, talk later with you military dogs?"

 

"Watch what you're saying there, Matsuoka."

 

"Fuck that. I don't have time for this."

 

__________________________________________________________

 

The rest of the squad is a diverse batch of guys, making their way through the war from all walks of life and very different ideologies. Zakimari, Yusokabe, and Miyazawa are the doves of the group, dragging guns that they've never fired, but at least they pull their weight in terms of medicine and planning. Hazuki is a free bird, gone with the wind, and Ryūgazaki is a college boy, unable to achieve deferment. No one knows what Nanase is doing here, only that he's childhood friends with Tachibana, who really shouldn't be here at all. 

 

They decide early on that if anyone is going to live, it needs to be him. 

 

__________________________________________________________

 

"You know any songs?"

 

"I know plenty."

 

"Care to sing one?"

 

"...you don't want to hear it."

 

"Hey, you don't have to be like that anymore, remember? We're friends now, right?"

 

"...yeah. Sure. Friends. Whatever."

 

__________________________________________________________

 

Yusokabe snaps somewhere at the halfway point and turns into a hawk, gun never leaving his side and his attitude souring to the point that they don't even recognize him anymore. Miyazawa breaks with him, quietly, tenuously, all for the same reasons and then some but doesn't lose his way, just flickers out until he's a faded impression of what he used to be.

 

Zakimari doesn't live to see the pre-armistice agreements. Along with Yusokabe as Miyazawa, he comes home in a box.

 

Ryūgazaki almost breaks ranks and has a complete shutdown anyway, terrified of all of this, everything. Hazuki stays by his side. They return home together on early withdrawal, cracked shells merging to form a hollow reminder of the young men they once were.

 

Nanase, for all his oddities, manages to maintain some semblance of mental soundness, but he gives it all up to let Tachibana go home. It isn't hard to realize why he'd been here after that. Tachibana himself survives, miraculously destroying an entire enemy compound in his desperate tactical effort to save Nanase from being another POW statistic. Somehow, they make it home as well, Tachibana heartbroken, Nanase unable to speak ever again.

 

Rin learns firsthand that guns are heavy. He finds out the hard way that bullets fucking hurt when they hit you. Alone on the ground, blood soaking his uniform, he finds himself dreaming.

 

__________________________________________________________

 

"Let me make it up to you." Seijuurou murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to Rin's mouth as they linger in the darkness, bodies veiled by cloud cover and nationwide despair. "Ease some of that tension there."

 

"Save it." The younger man tosses his head to the side contemptuously even as his hands find his captain's waist and hang on, always hanging on and never letting go, because letting go means death, and like it or not, he's not ready for that yet. None of them are.

 

"Please."

 

It's that word again, and Rin sighs, letting his forehead rest against his lover's broad shoulder. They're quiet then, eyes closed, breathing even, Seijuurou's arms around the other as they just try to remember things, remember it all, memorize the moments like this because that'll be the only thing to save them when it all ends.

 

His captain kisses him again, a little harder this time, and Rin doesn't have the heart or the will to resist what he wants.

 

__________________________________________________________

 

Seijuurou finds Rin as he's dying, the world tilted on its side and his ears are ringing and he can't hear a word his lover is saying but he feels it in his heart like a blade.

 

_Sorry._

 

He wears his tags home, numbed and shell-shocked, a strange mix of two men now, the one he was when he began, and the one he met somewhere along the way. It's over. It's all over.

 

__________________________________________________________

 

_"I want to go home."_


End file.
